Styda
by stream12345
Summary: This is a story about a girl abandonmet


Styda

Like every day, I start hearing my parent's voices yelling at each other like some kind of crazy people like if they can't contain themselves. So what I do is what I always do. I jump off from my small bed, leave my house and start walking until I lose myself in this big ranch, my house. I always reach this very rocky precipice, well, I found it interesting and relaxing at all. I've heard some strange things in here although, and that catches my attention, so I think that's another good reason for coming here.

When I come home, my parents are calmer I think, since I have not heard any yell yet. I go to see my mother in her room and entering, I feel some weird and sad atmosphere. I find my mother in the bathroom, motionless, perplexed with an expression I had never seen in her. My mother has always been a happy woman, well at least until my family started to have financial problems, since then I see her stressed and exhausted.

¨Is everything okay? ¨ I ask. She gets scared and moves strangely, uncertain what to do.

¨ Yes. It's nothing really important¨ and she thinks I'm going to believe that. ¨You better get some sleep now, we're going to your godmother's house tomorrow.¨

I just nod and leave the room without saying a word. I don't know what's going on my mom's head or what it's going to happen, but I know one thing, it's not good. Not at all.

This morning, cold because of the winter, looks sadder than ever. I have a bad feeling about what will happen today, because of my mother's face yesterday.

¨Hey!¨ says Spencer, my oldest brother.

¨Hey¨ I say, trying to sound normal. I think he notice about my anxiety so he say ¨Are you all right?¨

¨Yeah, I'm just a little tired, I didn't sleep well last night.¨ I tell him. But he's not the one of eating fake stuff. ¨Oh really? You know, you're such a bad liar. You just have to see your face. I know there's something wrong, come on, tell me. ¨

I'm not sure about telling him why I am so nervous, about my mom's face and all that stuff, so it takes me a while to respond.

¨It's just I'm not feeling in my mood about visiting mi godmother you know.¨ I say while he's looking at me, waiting for an explanation. ¨I feel uncomfortable in her presence and I don't like her house, it's like one of those horror movie houses we've see in some films, don't you think? ¨

Spencer laughs and tell me ¨You little girl, you have to start enjoying every moment you have, maybe things can get worst , I don't think going to Mercy's house is that bad.¨

Frustrated, I swing and I signal ¨goodbye¨.

Mom come to my room and tells me that I have to pack as much as possible clothes. She says that we're going to stay there in Spotholk with Mercy some weeks until my father solve some problems. When I have all my stuff packed, I walk out my room and I meet my mom to leave our house.

The journey's long but I fall asleep. Two hours and half from here, Hilstrong, a spacious place full of open fields, to Spotholk, a small and very poor village on the beach.

When we arrive to Spotholk, I can start seeing all those poor kids playing with rolled paper to simulate a ball, all those almost-collapsing-houses with many people living in them, and many people asking for charity in order to live.

When we're on my godmother's house my mom ask me to go outside and play with Mercy's adorable dogs, so they can talk a little. I get distracted walking along the beach with Mercy's dogs company. And then, I go to the sea in my underwear's because there's no one here that can see me. When it's getting dark I get back to the house. I had not even remembered the anxiety and worry y saw yesterday in my mother's face and that made me felt the same way until I saw her crying in Mercy's house when I returned. I felt like falling down, I've never seen my mother crying this way before and I don't have any idea of why's she like that, and I have a feeling that she's not going to tell me.

I start crying too because I know what is going to happen now. But I can't do anything to solve it. My parents are in a very serious economic tragedy and I knew since I saw my mother looking so pale and with that tragic expression that something was going wrong and that I was involved in that ¨wrong¨. Finally mom tells me that I have to stay here for a while until the situation at home improves. I have no words to reply, the only thing I can do now is mourn. It's not that my mother and I had an excellent relationship but I love her. She's my mother, the person I can trust, who encourages me, the one that helps me get up when I fall. Or so it is supposed to be. Besides, I don't like it here. Mercy's presence bothers me, I feel like I can't be myself with her. But well now I can't do anything.

I go to the room that will be mine these next miserable days and lie in my bed. I can't stop thinking about Spencer's words this morning. ¨…you have to start enjoying every moment you have, maybe things can get worst…¨ I suppose my life takes that simple sentence as a challenge. Spend a few days without my parents and Spencer will be hard, and I don't know how to survive in this hot beach. I don't know one here but Mercy so I suppose I must begin to relate with other people, even though making friends is not my thing. I prefer to be alone, I like to get lost in my thoughts but I need to distract myself with something in order not to lose my head.

I can't sleep thinking of the extreme change that has just suffered my life. So I stand up and start walking around the house. I go out to the roof of the house, I have good memories in it and I guess that's going to calm a bit my mental state.

When I wake up I realize that I should have been asleep in the heat of the environment.

I enter the house and find Mercy packing many things and examining the place I realize one thing: mom's gone.

I cannot believe she did not say goodbye to me, I say, we'll not see each other in a long time, aren't we? I assume she would have the kindness to wish me luck or something. I'm disappointed.

I return to see Mercy and she tells me that the bus is waiting for us.

¨Bus? What bus are we talking about? ¨ Seriously I have no idea of what she's saying.

¨We`re going to the Big State¨ she say rapidly.

What? Wasn't I supposed to stay here for a while and then go home?

¨What for? ¨ I say angrily.

¨If you want to survive, girl, you have to work and try to live for yourself and well for now, we have no money to stay seated waiting for money to fall from the sky.¨ she say irritated.

So I was cheated, I'll not stay here for a while until things improve back home. I'm left. My parents have just abandoned me. The lump in my throat is unbearable. I never thought that my own family could fail me in this way. Not at this level. They are just part of all betrayals of this world, not my family anymore.

One thing I could say is that the trip to Big State was one of the worst experiences ever. The heat of the bus and the foul smell marked a trauma in my life.

We stopped two times in small villages along the road to BS, where we had a sandwich and a glass of water almost hot. 12 hour trip overwhelmed by the heat and dying of thirst.

Mercy says we'll find work easily in BS, that several of her friends have succeeded there.

I just can't focus on what is to come. What kind of work we're going to get? I don't know. Mercy neither, but according to her, is a good job and you can make money.

I don't trust her. I don't trust anybody. I mean, mi family has just betrayed me so I think I must not wait anything from anyone. Thinking about them just hurt me more so I try to distract myself playing with a rope I found in my bus seat. I think my head's going to explode, there are so many thoughts on my mind and I just can't contain them! Panic begins to set in. What if I'm not good at my job? What if there's no more money? Will I die? And if I'm going to, how would I spend my last days? I must at least try to fight with life, I can't give up myself. Besides I'm not one to go down without trying.

Well, now, the only thing I wish in this exact moment is to exit the bus. I think I'm suffocating.

When we arrive at BS, I'm impressed of how hot it is and I realize that it was not just a bad fact of the bus. I ask for money to Mercy so I can buy a bottle of water and she tells me to go drink bathroom's hand-washer water because as I thought, we have no more money.

I think I'll go crazy. The idea of not having completely anything upsets me. I start to feel scared but I will not show it, I must be strong and do my best in order to get work and money.

We go to the place we're going to start working walking. Actually it's not far to walk but the journey seems endless because of the sun in our faces.

When we arrived. I realize this might not be so simple.

¨You are late!¨ screams that red-faced woman, while approaches to slap Mercy's face. I shocked. I froze thinking what would I have done if she had run smack that into me. Poor mercy, that must have hurt.

My godmother just goes head down and apologizes for being late. This is not a good first impression of what I'm going to live like.

Mercy introduces me and the red-face woman act in an indifferent way. Well, it's better than a slap.

We started working as maids for Corvitch family, of which the red-faced woman appears to be dominant. The work is hard and Lizzy (the red-faced woman) it's too cruel. She often hits Mercy and me, or insults us very strongly; I don't think it's fair for us. Even her children are sad to see her acting that way. Luke, the middle boy, usually tell her to relax a little, and she responds in a very negative and aggressive way. But the father's not any pretty angel. He's strong and rude too. I cannot support seeing their children acting like if that doesn't affect them. Almost always Yade, the smallest girl, cry in her room, making sure her parents will not listen.

Time passes and each time I feel worse, a year supporting this martyrdom is worse than have died of starve, but they don't really feed us well in here either.

I'm thinner than ever and my body's badly beaten, because of my failures while working. I can't stand this anymore. I just turned 17 years old and all I got were knocking shots because I broke one glass. When I think about my family, well, I think I'm overcoming it, I hardly cry and I try to think that they never existed in my life.

Everything was going as usual until one day Luke and I talked for a while

¨Hello Styda¨ he says softly.

¨Hey Luke, what do you need?¨

¨Nothing really…¨ he weren't secure of saying what he was going to say but finally he adds ¨well, there's one thing. I've been so sad about my parent's actions against you that I started running out something that could help you, you know…¨ This makes me shock ¨I have been stealing money from my father's wallet every week since you entered here, and I want to give this money to you because you don't deserve being treated like you have been treated. You must run away from here and look for other thing to work on or I don't know maybe return from where you came. I just can't still supporting seeing what my parents do to you, really I just can't, you deserve a better life…¨

I'm motionless when he put the money in my hand.

I thank with all my life Luke and decide to run like he recommended me. I go to my really small bedroom and packed a few things.

Finally I count the money and I know it's enough to run away and find something else to do in other place. I know this is not fair for Mercy but she was the one that wanted to work here, so what I do is what I always used to do. I jump off from my small bed, leave the house and start walking until I lose myself in this big ranch, life.


End file.
